looking past the computer and desk.

i often forget how incredible my job is. if anyone has asked me how it is going, they probably have heard me say that i do not like sitting at a desk all day while working on a computer. i still do not. but, maybe i forgot to mention this when the question was asked, i also love my job. i am getting paid to tell the media to tell people in the upper midwest about an organization thats mission is giving simple gifts to children all around the world. but wait, it does not stop there. not only do they get a shoe box with school supplies, toys and hygiene items, they also are able to hear the Gospel. at almost every shoe box distribution the Gospel is preached and a 12 week discipleship program is offered. thank you Lord for this awesome opportunity and blessing of a job. i want and pray for more children to know Jesus.

 

if you want to know more about OCC, please ask me or check out the website (had to do some free pr while writing this) www.samaritanspurse.org/occ. national collection week ends on nov. 19 (find drop-off locations on the website), but you can always give your shoe box to me up until dec. 21st. 

one last thing. if you know of a job opening after dec. 21 that has anything to do with pr, coffee, nonprofits, baking, nature, or people....let me know. please and thank you.

love your neighbor.

my friend and i were driving home from minneapolis having a conversation about how to love, reach out, and help people who are homeless. this is something i have been thinking about since i started hanging out downtown over the past three years.

i am not sure there is one exact solution for every person we see holding a cardboard sign on the corner of washington and 35 or sitting at the bus stop. part of the solution; however, has to be love. we are commanded to love our neighbor (mark 12).

who are my neighbors? i am quickly learning that they are more than just the people in the two houses next to mine. the people i need to view as my neighbor are those who i come in contact with. my coworkers, my family, the waitress, the checkout lady at the grocery store, the people i sit next to in church and every person i walk or drive by. no matter if any of these people have a home or not, they are my neighbor. they all should be loved.

this does not mean we are called to give a homeless person all the money we have in our wallet every time we drive by them. it does mean we need to acknowledge them, make them feel human and listen to the Holy Spirit of how it is we can best love them. maybe we will be prompted to give them the money or gift card in our wallet or the apple in our bag. it could also just be finding out their story.

i am often scared to give homeless people money because they might use it on alcohol or something they don't really need. i am not sure where this idea came from. everyone assumes this, but who really actually finds out how homeless people use the money they are give? i am realizing that i really need to trust God with however He tells me to love. this is with whoever i am in interacting with. i also need to realize that the Lord commands us to help the poor which could mean giving them the $5 i was planning to use on my lunch.

one thing i told my friend, who waits at the bus stop every day seeing the same homeless people is that if she learns their stories she will then be able to understand who they are. when we learn a person's story, we learn pretty quickly how they spend their time and money.

Lord, i pray that You help me love better, especially the people who i often do not know how to love. teach me to treat every person i interact with like they are Your creation. thank you God that each person, homeless or not, has a story. i want to know those stories. thank you that my money is not mine, but Your money God. teach me to view it as that. let me not hold my money tightly but loosely so that You can use it to help those in need. God, you are the Creator of every human being and the Giver of all things. i praise you. Amen.

minneapolis spring break trip. prayer please.

On Thursday I will embark on an adventure to Minneapolis. Four other women from Northwestern and I will be going on this trip to learn about what is happening in the nonprofit/ministry realm of Minneapolis, take part in the work happening, and show/share the love of Jesus. I was blessed to participate on this trip last year and was called to go on it again for spring break. Why? Three reasons- God has a plan (not sure what it is), God wants an earth full of worshipers (John 6:40), and I want the people in my own backyard to know Jesus (Isaiah 61). 

I am telling you this because the trip needs to be covered in prayer. Would you please be in prayer for me and the other four women going on the trip?

Pray that Jesus' name would be spoken with complete confidence (Psalm 18:31-32, Psalm 67, Luke 12, Galatians 5:1). This is something I struggle with and need boldness for. I do not want to be fearful of rejection or any other lie the devil tells me.

Pray that we would resist and not fear the devil (Isaiah 53:10, 1 Peter 5:8-11, Romans 16:20).

Pray that as we plant seeds through out words and actions, we would trust God to do the growth (1 Corinthians 3:5-9, 2 Corinthians 4:3-6).

Pray that my group, the people we work with, and everyone we would come in contact with would today or one day understand what it means to be a child of God, that salvation is only found in Jesus, and that He lavishes His love on us (Ephesians 1, Romans 10:1-4).

Pray that I would find my rest in the Lord during this trip. During this past week I have wanted to just go home and sleep, but that will not be happening. I need to trust in God's plan and that I would find Him to be my strength (Isaiah 40:28-31).

Pray that God would be glorified in everything we do and say (1 Corinthians 10:31, 2 Corinthians 10:14-18).

On the trip we will be working and staying with Source. We will also be going to different ministries and nonprofits each day to see what is happening all around the Twin Cities. If you have any questions about the trip please let me know.

Thank you for the prayers my dear brothers and sisters.

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
 He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children. But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”
-Revelation 21:1-8.

as the leaves change, the Lord's faithfulness does not.

changes are happening. the colors of the leaves are becoming bright oranges and deep reds. students are spending more time doing homework because midterms are near. seven people i know got engaged within the past week. two dear friends of mine are in other countries. my brother got on a plane for europe today. and the list goes on.

throughout the changes, there are things that are the same. almost every college student i ask how they are doing still answers good or busy. i still am asked a few times a week what i will do after graduation and i still say i am not sure because there are so many possibilities. the Lord continues to bless me with free meals a few times a week. and i am still amazed at how much i am learning (not necessarily in my classes).

the biggest thing that i see being consistent is the Lord's faithfulness. i need to remind myself of this daily because of the hurt i see or hear about, worries and stress that comes, questions i have about the future, and discouragement i get from what i see in our society. 

i have been reading the book of Matthew the past few days and one of the major themes i see in the book is faith. the word is used many times from Jesus saying to one of His disciples, "O you of little faith, why do you doubt," to Jesus saying, "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." 

Jesus is saying all throughout Matthew that faith is important and we need it to live for Him. This is something I would like to work on. I encourage you to do the same. Next time you doubt yourself or God, or a situation arises that is stressful, or you are discouraged by things going on around you, PUT YOUR FAITH IN JESUS. He is more faithful than you could every imagine. When you do this, your eyes will be opened to a new way of living. It is something I am experiencing right now. Yes it is hard, but the reward is incredible.

"The kingdom of heaven is like TREASURE hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine PEARLS, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it." -Matthew 13:44-46.

My prayer is as I am learning what it means to put  my faith and hope in Jesus Christ, you will too. Talk it out with God and then with a friend. Read the Word, you will see countless times that God is faithful to His children.

Looking unto Jesus.

A girl on my staff read this essay by Spurgeon to us last week. The idea of it has been in my head ever since- look to Christ. It is Him that saves. Please read the essay and pray about it. My prayer is that your eyes would be opened more to Jesus. Our lives should be to make much of Him, not ourselves.
 
"Looking unto Jesus" -by Charles Spurgeon.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."  -Hebrews 12:1-2

It is ever the Holy Spirit's work to turn our eyes away from self to Jesus; but Satan's work is just the opposite of this, for he is constantly trying to make us regard ourselves instead of Christ. He insinuates, "Your sins are too great for pardon; you have no faith; you do not repent enough; you will never be able to continue to the end; you have not the joy of his children; you have such a wavering hold of Jesus." All these are thoughts about self, and we shall never find comfort or assurance by looking within. But the Holy Spirit turns our eyes entirely away from self: he tells us that we are nothing, but that "Christ is all in all." Remember, therefore, it is not thy hold of Christ that saves thee-it is Christ; it is not thy joy in Christ that saves thee-it is Christ; it is not even faith in Christ, though that be the instrument-it is Christ's blood and merits; therefore, look not so much to thy hand with which thou art grasping Christ, as to Christ; look not to thy hope, but to Jesus, the source of thy hope; look not to thy faith, but to Jesus, the author and finisher of thy faith. We shall never find happiness by looking at our prayers, our doings, or our feelings; it is what Jesus is, not what we are, that gives rest to the soul. If we would at once overcome Satan and have peace with God, it must be by "looking unto Jesus." Keep thine eye simply on him; let his death, his sufferings, his merits, his glories, his intercession, be fresh upon thy mind; when thou wakest in the morning look to him; when thou liest down at night look to him. Oh! let not thy hopes or fears come between thee and Jesus; follow hard after him, and he will never fail thee.

"My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness:
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name."

distraction and satisfaction.

i become distracted. 

i get caught up in the stuff i have. 

i'm tempted to put my identity where this world tells me to.

i want things. 

i try to rely on myself. 

i judge people for what they say and do. 

i envy people at times.

so what do i tell myself?

Jesus has redeemed me and forgives me.

Jesus came to give us life, and life to the full. 

Jesus is where my identity is found.

Jesus overcame the world. 

Jesus' power is made perfect in my weakness.

Jesus made me just the way I should be.

Jesus is my satisfaction.

i am not perfect and no human on this planet is. i wake up every day knowing that Jesus is my rock and redeemer, yet there are times when i struggle. i am having this realization that pursuing holiness is hard. i knew that it was before but i think because the sermon series at my church is about this, i am being confronted by it. so thank you hope cc. you are making me dig deep into what is going on in my heart and life.

i become distracted and so does every other person i know. i hate that our world is a big amusement park of distractions. there are so many "fun" things in our society that people entertain themselves with and think they are satisfied by. this is because satan knows that our flesh is easily tempted and he knows where to tempt each person differently. our flesh is the problem. we were not meant to be satisfied by this world.

i used to think getting all A's would satisfy me. it did not. i used to think having it look like everything was perfect in my life would satisfy me. it did not. i used to think people could satisfy me. they cannot. these things were all distractions in my life. distractions that were disguised as satisfactions.

people are distracted with work, technology, video games, money, drinking, partying, sex, relationships, and the list goes on. i wish i could just scream out (in the most loving, gentle way) to  people that these things will not satisfy them. some of these things can be good. our money can be used to further God's kingdom and help people, but only if we obey God with it (Pastor Steve talks about this a lot). the distractions and issues, "are symptoms of heart issues. i think Jesus is the only cure for these things," says Joel from Ascend the Hill. he is right on. people are looking for something and these distractions are because of deeper issues. people are longing. creation is groaning. we are yearning for a Savior. as i see the depravity of my own sin, i long more and more for Jesus. i trust Him as He cleanses me because i, along with every other human am sinful. Jesus is what satisfies me and gives me complete joy, just as He promised:

"as the Father has loved me, so have i loved you. now remain in my love. if you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as i have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. i have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. my command is this: love each other as i have loved you." (John 15:9-12)

if you want this joy that Jesus offers, i encourage you to seek after God. pursue him and not the distractions. talk to God. worship and obey Jesus. put your faith and trust in Him. repent, but know that you are not doing that to make Jesus love you more. He already has died on the cross for you, so receive Him as your Treasure! i become tempted in this world, so i am going to hang a sign up by my bed that says- good morning, kill sin today and do as much damage in the kingdom of darkness as you can. follow Jesus. He loves you and died to give you life to the full.  

"this world will let you down. it will turn its' back on you. it will leave you wanting and desiring more every single time. you can search far and wide for hope and satisfaction and truth and life and fulfillment, but that only comes from Jesus." -Joel Davis 

(i was searching for this song on youtube and look what i found...some NWC friends made this.)

 

here are hope cc's sermons: http://hopecc.com/sundays/sermons.html
here is an interview of Joel: http://www.heartsupport.com/blogs/addiction/ascendthehillinterview1.html

pursued by the bridegroom.

At this time last year I was creating hall decorations (goodness...that seems like forever ago). These decorations had to do with my hall theme. Well, let me tell you it was quite the process for me to decide on a hall theme. It changed every two weeks (more like every two hours). Then one summer day I heard the song Captivate by Starfield. This song made me stop what I was doing and it all just clicked. The Holy Spirit used that song to give me the theme. The theme became Captivate my Heart, with the theme verse as Psalm 37:4 ( Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart). I wanted the ladies in my hall to know that their hearts are precious to God and we should be seeking after Him as He is seeking after us. Jesus wants us. Jesus rejoices over us. Jesus loves us. Jesus provides for us. Jesus delights in us. Jesus pursues us. Jesus is our Bridegroom.

When I became an RA, I heard that your hall themes tend to be a major theme in your own lives.  Looking back over the past year (especially this summer) I can see how God used my theme in my own life. He's been teaching me a lot about how He pursues us and delights in us. He is captivated by us. Captivated by me. Psalms 37:4 talks about us delighting in God, but we often times forget that God delights in us. I read the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge, after I decided on my hall theme. I am now rereading it this week. I am not sure about males, but I know that females were created to be pursued. The book says, "God is the pursuer of our hearts." I think that God especially delights in those who seek after Him. With that in mind, I am being taught this summer what it means to seek after God and let Him seek after my heart. It is a joyous adventure to be on! And as this is happening, I am learning what Jesus meant when He called Himself the Bridegroom in Matthew 9:15, Matthew 25:1-10, and John 3:29. 

This means that we (the Church) are the bride. I am the bride of Christ. He has come to set me free- to heal my broken heart (since all humans' hearts are broken in some way). Jesus went back to Isaiah 61 when he first began His ministry on earth. His mission was to restore and release us, including binding up our broken hearts. This passage is incredible. Christ came to do all these things for us! When we have unity with Jesus we become one with Him. Our unity with Him also gives us a new mission.

David Platt says in Radical, “The will of God is for you and me to give our lives urgently and recklessly to making the gospel and the glory of God known among all peoples, particularly those who have never even heard of Jesus.”

That is my mission. To live so that the Gospel and glory of God is made known to ALL PEOPLE. 

There are days when it is hard to pursue Christ and live only for Him. It says in Captivating, "To pursue intimacy with Christ, you will have to fight for it. You'll need to fight busyness (Martha's addiction). You'll need to fight accusations. You'll need to fight the Thief that would try to steal your Lover's gifts to you outright" I do not want to be like Martha, but like Mary (in Luke 10:38-42). She truly worshiped God. I do become busy and distracted, but Christ continues to call me back.

Lastly, "Our hearts were made to worship. It is what we do; we can't help it....Worship is what we give our hearts away to in return for a promise of Life." I have given my heart to God and I worship Him for giving me life and sending the world Jesus, our Bridegroom, and our Savior! I am going to continue to pursue and love the Lord, as He pursues me. I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE BRIDEGROOM TO RETURN. Until that day, I will live for Him and worship Him because He saved me for the sake of His holy name. 

(Here is a great post about the Bride of Christ by Mike from Tenth Ave. North- Beloved Blog). 

the lyrics of this song caught my attention. it is by john mark mcmillan.

grout, sweat, my bracelet, & Jesus.

i was on my knees, bending over on the tile floor.
sweat dripping down, while my hands and nails got scratched up
tiredness started to take over my body, as my mind began to wander.
i was scrubbing the floor, one speck of grout at time
thinking about why i wasted water in a shower two hours ago.
then i glanced at my hand; and time seemed to stop.
the metal bolt on one of my bracelets caught my eye.
a bolt i put there to remind me of the women caught in the chains of sex trafficking.
the Lord then told me something as i stared at the bracelet-

this bolt is why you are sweating.
the meaning behind that bracelet is the reason you are here.
there are women who are on their knees like you, but are crying out for help.
women who are literally being beaten and forced into sex.
little girls sweating, nervously doing what their pimp forces them to do.
jillian, this discomfort you are experiencing, for a very short amount of time, is for these women.
providing them with a home is why the annex exists.
i do not want them to suffer.
they are being controlled, hurt, and manipulated.
i am here with you and i am with the women caught in the chains.
my mercy has always been the same and will never cease.
keep going, keep praying for these women, keep telling others about what is happening
and i will continue on loving. 

*********
God uses small things, like a pink bracelet I made last year, to remind me of how good He is. Yes, there are still women and children suffering, but God is just, merciful, and loving. He always has all of these attributes. I am so thankful for ministries like Source that are doing things for the people caught in trafficking. In my previous post, I mentioned how I wanted to start to do things and not just know about the issue. God is so faithful and He provided me with the opportunity to do. I thought I would just go and help Source and the women who would eventually be living at the Annex, though God wanted to help me by telling me some things while I was scrubbing the floors.

God used grout, sweat, and a bracelet to teach me about a new sense of joy we can have when we live for Him. He also used these items to remind me of the pain Jesus went through on the cross and how big of an act of love that was.

the big question....what do i do now?

disclaimer- i know i already wrote about this book and what God has been teaching me through it, but i have more to say. plus, there are many connections being made with the book and my life.

i just finished reading the hole in our gospel by richard stearns. at the end of the book he addresses this question that probably every reader has when they finish the last sentence of the book, what do i do now. i am going to be a conformist (a word i do not usually like associating with) in this situation. now that i have learned about poverty and world vision, what can i do. me- the girl sitting in a comfy chair in her parent's big home. the one who just ate her third meal for the day. the person who was able to spend the day at the water park, while getting paid. what can jillian do about these issues?

the answer- turn to Jesus. he is everything i need, which means he is the answer to this question. i am going to pray a lot this summer about finding things to do. i am also going to be active in learning about the injustices and poverty in this world, but i am going to start to do things for them. i am not sure what, but God knows.

speaking of being informed about the issues, this also has to do with a movie i just watched last night, very young girls. i would recommend this movie to people who want an inside look into the world of sex trafficking, from being trapped in it to having to fighting the temptations as you get out. the movie- it looks at, "the work of a former sexually exploited youth-turned-activist named Rachel Lloyd, who started the New York City organization GEMS (Girls Educational and Mentoring Services) to help victimized young women escape their pimps and find another way of life." the hardship and inhuman things some of these women (well girls since the average age of entry is 13) have to go through is horrifying. i was disgusted by what some of these men do and how they deceive them. satan is working so hard to continue to grow the sex trafficking industry. he uses the pimps and johns to fool these girls into thinking they are loved and have no where else to go. GEMS and other organizations (like Breaking Free in St. Paul) are working to help these women get out and understand they were not created to be a prostitute.

after reading the hole in our gospel and seeing this movie, i have a bigger fire in my belly to do something. right now, i will begin with prayer and getting the word out there. people need to know and many do not think that this is happening in their towns. this fire in me started when i wrote a paper in comp class one and half years ago about sex trafficking in the twin cities. i thought i would just write the paper, little did i know that God had a bigger plan. he continues to show me that i can make a difference.

i will not be overwhelmed by this issue and i will give it to Jesus. i would ask that you do the same. do not be overwhelmed with all the statistics we see about sex trafficking or other injustices. be confident in Christ. his love will not fail and he will return for his bride.  
oh what a glorious day that will be. 

learning about the hole.

i'm learning something as i read the book, the hole in our gospel by richard stearns (aka...the president of world vision in the USA). i'm learning the difference between feeling guilty and feeling convicted. yesterday i went to dunn bros with the little boy i nanny, put money in savings at the bank, went out to eat with my mom and some friends, and then played tennis with some great friends. part of me wants to feel guilty because of the abundance of money that is available to me and the enjoyment i had. the other part of me feels convicted to seek after the lord in what to do about this and what i am reading about in the book. the lord does give us blessings, but i think what we do with those blessings needs to be thought about. i do not want to help people, do missions, or give out of guilt. i want to do it because that is what jesus did and tells the church to do. 

i am learning from the book all about the problems in the world- disease, lack of education, lack of clean water, war, poverty, trafficking, ect. there is a part of the gospel people have missed- our ignorance of the poverty and injustice in the world. not all jesus followers have missed this, but many people have. stearns addresses how many people have missed that christ calls us to do something about the poverty and injustice.

the beautiful thing is, we can make a difference.

last night i read utmost for his highest. this connects in my mind so go with me on this. oswald chambers said, "If I am a friend of Jesus, I must deliberately and carefully lay down my life for Him. It is a difficult thing to do, and thank God that it is. Salvation is easy for us, because it cost God so much. But the exhibiting of salvation in my life is difficult. God saves a person, fills him with the Holy Spirit, and then says, in effect, “Now you work it out in your life, and be faithful to Me, even though the nature of everything around you is to cause you to be unfaithful.” And Jesus says to us, “. . . I have called you friends. . . .” Remain faithful to your Friend, and remember that His honor is at stake in your bodily life." http://utmost.org/will-you-lay-down-your-life/

jesus did NOT come to condemn the world (John 12:47). there is no condemnation in christ jesus (Romans 8:1). satan on the other hand is KNOWN for accusing the brethren (Rev 12:10).

conviction can motivate us to do something. guilt cannot. conviction is when i am convinced that something needs to happen. well, i am convinced that we need to do everything in love of others and god. i am convinced that there are problems in the world and we need to do something about them. the love christ showed while on earth and right now should be what motivates me to do something about the (dying) world we live in, and it does.  

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. . . . I have called you friends . . . -John 15:13, 15

Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. I tell you the truth, some who are standing here will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.” -Luke 9:23-27

GOSPEL.

 God. Our. Sins. Paying. Everyone. Life. 

the title. God knows what we need.

I had been waiting to write about the title of my entire blog until I could put into words what it meant. Well, after what I went through during the past 2 days I now can explain it. As I sip on my coffee, listening to the song With Everything, I will tell you what "Everything" means to me.

This is a word that has always made me think hard about my life, cry at times, and wonder what does it really mean. Everything literally means- all, total, completely...or the opposite of nothing; however, in my life it has more weight to the meaning. There are two parts to what I mean. First, my entire life should be glorifying to God, not just part of my life, but all of it (everything). Secondly, everything worth living for is about Jesus. I am learning to give up my flesh for what the Lord has planned, for making everything in my life about having a relationship with Jesus. This is hard. I do not mean it is impossible, but in our world today there are so many temptations and satan has done a great job at getting to our culture. This is why I want to lay down my desires for what God has planned. He is continually showing me that He has good planned for my life.

This blog is going to be about everything. Me learning to give up everything I am for Jesus. Me learning to glorify God with everything that I am because HE IS EVERYTHING. I will talk about how God teaches me, what challenges I experience, the good and the bad, and how with everything I want to praise His great name.

“Break down our pride,
And all the walls
We've built up inside,
Our earthly crowns
And all our desires,
We lay at Your feet.
So let hope rise,
And darkness tremble
In Your holy light,
And every eye will see
Jesus, our God,
Great and mighty to be praised.
God of all days,
Glorious in all of Your ways.
Your majesty, the wonder and grace,
In the light of Your name.
With everything,
With everything,
We will shout for your glory.”

You might ask, 'what does this have to do with the past 36 hours?' There are five things that happened that God was telling me that He knows what I need and that is why I should praise Him with everything. These five things showed me that everything I do should be out of love for God because of how much He loves me. First, I received an email from my soul sister who is in Malawi. This was something I was so excited to get because I wanted to hear her stories and stay connected with her this summer. Second, I was able to go to Northwestern to hang out with friends, pray with them and be encouraged. This community of people is one that God is using to influence me a lot this summer. I needed confidence for something happening this weekend and that is what God told one of the girls to talk about, and then the people that were needing this were prayed for. God knows what we need! The third thing that that happened was I watched the movie Furious Love. This is definitely worth 90 minutes of your life. I am still processing what I saw, but I was able to see a visual example of the power of God’s love for His creation. We should not be fearful because God’s love will not fail us, though it might be different than we think. One line from the movie that really stuck out to me was, “Jesus said, ‘I am the truth.’ Truth is not a teaching. Truth is a person.” That is what the world needs- Jesus.  The fourth thing that happened was at the last day of my internship. The Lord showed me how He is mercy. As I was sitting at my desk, getting frustrated with the computer because it was not working, the man who was sitting at the desk across from mine was talking on the phone to a friend. The Lord used this conversation they had to show me how our faith requires action and having a relationship with Christ is going to require everything we have. Both people on the phone had been struggling financially, and the man in the office had just prayed last month asking God to provide for him and his wife. The Lord did, even though he was still without a job. As the conversation went longer, I was still consumed by my computer, but when the guy behind me started crying I began to realize God was teaching them something and me something. This guy on other end of the phone was overwhelmed with doubt in the Lord and the guy in my office wanted to do all that he could to tell and show him that God is faithful. He then told him that he was going to pray and talk with his wife about giving financially to support this other guy. Wow. This guy sitting next to me was trusting in the Lord so much that he wanted to help his brother even though he was still struggling, and it was so encouraging to me. There are many passages in the Bible that talk about the suffering Christians will go through, but we need rejoice in those because they are nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed to us. Trusting in God is an action, it is not something we can just say we do. Lastly, after my internship I wasn't sure what I was going to do last night. I asked a bunch of my friends if they could hang out and none of them could. I began to think, ‘okay I guess this means it is going to be a Jillian night- a night for me to just be and relax, maybe read a book or something.’ Then I got a text back from Kauline. She said she could go on a walk and I thought, ‘Awesome, now I can talk to her about this question I had wanting to ask her.’ I drove to her house and we began our walk. Well, the conversation was going to be what the Lord wanted us to talk about, not what I wanted to talk about. The Lord spoke through her and focused our conversation about things I needed to hear. It was a time for me to lay down my wanting for what the Lord had planned. God knew I needed to talk with Kauline about leading a Bible Study, how to love people who disagree with me, and other things...not the question I had for her. I also was able to talk with her, Cody, and Jon about doing a Bible Study. This gave me confidence in Christ, which was prayed for the night before.

The past two days I have learned what it means in Romans 8 when Paul talks about living life through the Spirit. The Lord knows what His children need and that was so evident to me. It was also clear how the Spirit helps us in our weakness and that people and creation are groaning for Jesus to return (even if they don't know it). We are to listen to God because He loves us so much. I am truly blessed and I want to continue to learn what it means to have all of me, everything I am, follow Jesus. He is worthy.

THINK eternal.

Today in chapel the president of SMF, Andrew Abel, talked about having an eternal perspective in mind. This to me is something that is so challenging to do here on earth. I wish I could say that I am always focused on the Lord and heaven, but I am not.

My challenge for myself this week is to not let the things of the world get to me. I do not want to only focus on the busyness, homework, stress, selfish thoughts, boys, what other people are struggling with, ect. I want to focus on Jesus. When I do that, all the other things seem to come into perspective.

Eternal is- forever, always, never ending.

God's love = eternal.

Jesus' death on the cross is so we could be in eternity with Him.

I am so excited for that day. For that day when Christ will come back. I want my time here on earth, which is short according to James 4, to be focused on what the Lord is doing. I want to see the Lord in the big and the small. He works in such mysterious ways and I love it.

"By the time we know a problem exists, God has already been working on it and his solution is on the way." --John Piper.

7 long days in 2 worlds.

I am normally not as honest with people as I should be. I tend to put on a mask of having everything together. Well, honestly, I don't. I am going to write what is on my heart. My heart hurts and longs to be with my Savior. It hurts and wants the pain to go away. It hurts for the people who are suffering. It hurts because of the world we live. It hurts because I am weak. It hurts because God is refining me.

My heart is also filled with joy because of what is going on in my life. It is filled with joy because I am a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. My life is not perfect, but in my weakness, Christ's power is made perfect

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" - 2 Corinthians 12:9. 

My heart is filled with joy because I am unbelievably blessed by my friends and family that God has given me. It also is full of joy because I am alive and have so many amazing things to look forward to. These writings will be about the hurt and joy my life is full of. 

Seven days ago I was writing a near 60 page plan book for one of my PR classes. If someone were to tell me what I was going to go through during the next week, I would have laughed at them. 

The past 7 days have been some of the longest, hardest, most thought-provoking seven days of my life.

Why? Many reasons. 

One, that is what printing off over 70 pages of a paper and project does to you. Two, my Bible became  dusty. Three, chapel was powerful over the past. Four, good and intense conversations with friends happened. 

My life is becoming harder as the days go on. I am caught in these two worlds. One world is where I want what this world wants. I become jealous, I compare, I worry and become stressed, and do some many other things I was not created to focus on. Then this other world I am caught in is one that makes me feel alive. It is one where I ask the Lord questions, talk about real issues, listen and I mean truly listen to people, have to rely on the Lord, and look at life as a gift. These two realities are conflicting because that is the world we live in- a fallen one. My life is full of hope, but it is also full of sin. I was talking to my friend last week and she was talking about how much she hated sin. Until, this weekend I had never looked at it like that. I hate sin, too. Sin makes me feel useless, hurt, not who I am supposed to be, average, lonely, and so much more.

Though, there is good news- we were created for good. This is something that I have to remind myself of because there are times when I think that all this world has to offer is what I see in our culture today. We were created to glorify God in all that we do and I know that I cannot do that without Jesus Christ living in me. My prayer is that the people I know would realize how desperate they are in need of Savior. God came to save us. He did not come to just be a good person and obey His Father. He came to die and rise again for this broken world. There are so many people who are not going to be in heaven because they do not understand this. They do not understand what it means to live for Jesus and have a personal relationship with Him. Sin has taken over this world and it is something that I know we cannot just confess. We have to ask the Lord to help us overcome it. Jesus has overcome it all, but without His help it will not be gone from our lives. If I were to believe in something else, I would not have hope. I would not be able to see my loved ones again after I die. And I would not be able to have an eternal purpose. 

The past 7 days have made me wonder a lot about my sins. My reality that is I am in need of Savior. I am in need of a God who loves me despite my faults. He loves me and no lie in the world or my head can stop that love. 

Jesus, I thank you for your love. It will not let go of me. It has overcome death. Jesus, Your love is strong.