a recap of CO with the BRTC.

COLORADO. could i describe this trip in one word? no. could i describe it in 100 words? no. so i will do my best to explain parts of it in a few paragraphs.

for those of you who don't know, i went on a road trip to colorado last week. it was quite the adventure that was full of joy, new experiences, times of tiredness and confusion, and lots of mountains! i did not know what to expect, but yet again God blew my mind away with how great it was. i expected to do some hiking, not shower for a few days, and have some quality conversations....but i did not expect to learn so much from my brothers and sisters that went and be amazed by the Lord's faithfulness. that is one of the most prominent things that God did- He showed me that no matter what we are going through, He is there to answer His children. we had many instances when we needed to find something (like our second tent) or wanted something (like a parking lot or to see a shooting star) and God would answer us within seconds. it was the love and faithfulness He showed us in the small things that made me realize how faithful He is to us in the big things. God spoke to me a lot on this trip and i am not going to explain it all now because it would take a long time (so lets grab coffee if you want to hear more!), but i would like to say that no matter what season in life you are in, you have the opportunity to see the Lord's faithfulness. it might be different from what you expect, but open your eyes (and mind and heart) to what the Lord has planned for you. ask and you will receive. knock and the door will be open. God is pursuing you and HE IS FAITHFUL. i feel so rejuvenated after going to colorado that i know i am ready for this next year at NWC. i am ready to be an ARD, have one last year of homework, and trust God with what will happen after this year. this was not the case months ago, but God used my time away in colorado to prepare my heart and body for what is to come.

another thing i didn't expect to experience was the feeling of being extremely small. we hiked around in rocky mountain national park, and i felt like an ant compared to the beautiful mountains. this made me think about how big our world is and how God is working in all of it. He is a big God who can move mountains (literally and metaphorically). while we were hiking we met people from estonia, texas, austin mn, and many other places. our world is full of people who are all unique and i learned that i am different from all of them. God is so creative. He made each mountain different and He made each person different. i am so happy for that. people plus mountains are a wonderful combination.

well, that is a small part of my adventure. i highly recommend you taking a road trip with friends if you ever get a chance. it will make you appreciate showers, grandma's mini van, and your bed a lot more. hopefully my next trip will be to Seattle or somewhere close to it with the blazing rebels traveling church (ask me if you want to hear the story behind this) & anyone else wanting to join.

OTHER EXCITING NEWS OF THE DAY: i got to give natalie jorde a hug, i found knowledge of the holy for a $1 at goodwill, i tried key lime ice cream with raspberries for the first time (it was delicious), and i am going to bed before before midnight (hopefully this will become a habit for school).

distraction and satisfaction.

i become distracted. 

i get caught up in the stuff i have. 

i'm tempted to put my identity where this world tells me to.

i want things. 

i try to rely on myself. 

i judge people for what they say and do. 

i envy people at times.

so what do i tell myself?

Jesus has redeemed me and forgives me.

Jesus came to give us life, and life to the full. 

Jesus is where my identity is found.

Jesus overcame the world. 

Jesus' power is made perfect in my weakness.

Jesus made me just the way I should be.

Jesus is my satisfaction.

i am not perfect and no human on this planet is. i wake up every day knowing that Jesus is my rock and redeemer, yet there are times when i struggle. i am having this realization that pursuing holiness is hard. i knew that it was before but i think because the sermon series at my church is about this, i am being confronted by it. so thank you hope cc. you are making me dig deep into what is going on in my heart and life.

i become distracted and so does every other person i know. i hate that our world is a big amusement park of distractions. there are so many "fun" things in our society that people entertain themselves with and think they are satisfied by. this is because satan knows that our flesh is easily tempted and he knows where to tempt each person differently. our flesh is the problem. we were not meant to be satisfied by this world.

i used to think getting all A's would satisfy me. it did not. i used to think having it look like everything was perfect in my life would satisfy me. it did not. i used to think people could satisfy me. they cannot. these things were all distractions in my life. distractions that were disguised as satisfactions.

people are distracted with work, technology, video games, money, drinking, partying, sex, relationships, and the list goes on. i wish i could just scream out (in the most loving, gentle way) to  people that these things will not satisfy them. some of these things can be good. our money can be used to further God's kingdom and help people, but only if we obey God with it (Pastor Steve talks about this a lot). the distractions and issues, "are symptoms of heart issues. i think Jesus is the only cure for these things," says Joel from Ascend the Hill. he is right on. people are looking for something and these distractions are because of deeper issues. people are longing. creation is groaning. we are yearning for a Savior. as i see the depravity of my own sin, i long more and more for Jesus. i trust Him as He cleanses me because i, along with every other human am sinful. Jesus is what satisfies me and gives me complete joy, just as He promised:

"as the Father has loved me, so have i loved you. now remain in my love. if you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as i have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. i have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. my command is this: love each other as i have loved you." (John 15:9-12)

if you want this joy that Jesus offers, i encourage you to seek after God. pursue him and not the distractions. talk to God. worship and obey Jesus. put your faith and trust in Him. repent, but know that you are not doing that to make Jesus love you more. He already has died on the cross for you, so receive Him as your Treasure! i become tempted in this world, so i am going to hang a sign up by my bed that says- good morning, kill sin today and do as much damage in the kingdom of darkness as you can. follow Jesus. He loves you and died to give you life to the full.  

"this world will let you down. it will turn its' back on you. it will leave you wanting and desiring more every single time. you can search far and wide for hope and satisfaction and truth and life and fulfillment, but that only comes from Jesus." -Joel Davis 

(i was searching for this song on youtube and look what i found...some NWC friends made this.)

 

here are hope cc's sermons: http://hopecc.com/sundays/sermons.html
here is an interview of Joel: http://www.heartsupport.com/blogs/addiction/ascendthehillinterview1.html

pursued by the bridegroom.

At this time last year I was creating hall decorations (goodness...that seems like forever ago). These decorations had to do with my hall theme. Well, let me tell you it was quite the process for me to decide on a hall theme. It changed every two weeks (more like every two hours). Then one summer day I heard the song Captivate by Starfield. This song made me stop what I was doing and it all just clicked. The Holy Spirit used that song to give me the theme. The theme became Captivate my Heart, with the theme verse as Psalm 37:4 ( Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart). I wanted the ladies in my hall to know that their hearts are precious to God and we should be seeking after Him as He is seeking after us. Jesus wants us. Jesus rejoices over us. Jesus loves us. Jesus provides for us. Jesus delights in us. Jesus pursues us. Jesus is our Bridegroom.

When I became an RA, I heard that your hall themes tend to be a major theme in your own lives.  Looking back over the past year (especially this summer) I can see how God used my theme in my own life. He's been teaching me a lot about how He pursues us and delights in us. He is captivated by us. Captivated by me. Psalms 37:4 talks about us delighting in God, but we often times forget that God delights in us. I read the book Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge, after I decided on my hall theme. I am now rereading it this week. I am not sure about males, but I know that females were created to be pursued. The book says, "God is the pursuer of our hearts." I think that God especially delights in those who seek after Him. With that in mind, I am being taught this summer what it means to seek after God and let Him seek after my heart. It is a joyous adventure to be on! And as this is happening, I am learning what Jesus meant when He called Himself the Bridegroom in Matthew 9:15, Matthew 25:1-10, and John 3:29. 

This means that we (the Church) are the bride. I am the bride of Christ. He has come to set me free- to heal my broken heart (since all humans' hearts are broken in some way). Jesus went back to Isaiah 61 when he first began His ministry on earth. His mission was to restore and release us, including binding up our broken hearts. This passage is incredible. Christ came to do all these things for us! When we have unity with Jesus we become one with Him. Our unity with Him also gives us a new mission.

David Platt says in Radical, “The will of God is for you and me to give our lives urgently and recklessly to making the gospel and the glory of God known among all peoples, particularly those who have never even heard of Jesus.”

That is my mission. To live so that the Gospel and glory of God is made known to ALL PEOPLE. 

There are days when it is hard to pursue Christ and live only for Him. It says in Captivating, "To pursue intimacy with Christ, you will have to fight for it. You'll need to fight busyness (Martha's addiction). You'll need to fight accusations. You'll need to fight the Thief that would try to steal your Lover's gifts to you outright" I do not want to be like Martha, but like Mary (in Luke 10:38-42). She truly worshiped God. I do become busy and distracted, but Christ continues to call me back.

Lastly, "Our hearts were made to worship. It is what we do; we can't help it....Worship is what we give our hearts away to in return for a promise of Life." I have given my heart to God and I worship Him for giving me life and sending the world Jesus, our Bridegroom, and our Savior! I am going to continue to pursue and love the Lord, as He pursues me. I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE BRIDEGROOM TO RETURN. Until that day, I will live for Him and worship Him because He saved me for the sake of His holy name. 

(Here is a great post about the Bride of Christ by Mike from Tenth Ave. North- Beloved Blog). 

the lyrics of this song caught my attention. it is by john mark mcmillan.

grout, sweat, my bracelet, & Jesus.

i was on my knees, bending over on the tile floor.
sweat dripping down, while my hands and nails got scratched up
tiredness started to take over my body, as my mind began to wander.
i was scrubbing the floor, one speck of grout at time
thinking about why i wasted water in a shower two hours ago.
then i glanced at my hand; and time seemed to stop.
the metal bolt on one of my bracelets caught my eye.
a bolt i put there to remind me of the women caught in the chains of sex trafficking.
the Lord then told me something as i stared at the bracelet-

this bolt is why you are sweating.
the meaning behind that bracelet is the reason you are here.
there are women who are on their knees like you, but are crying out for help.
women who are literally being beaten and forced into sex.
little girls sweating, nervously doing what their pimp forces them to do.
jillian, this discomfort you are experiencing, for a very short amount of time, is for these women.
providing them with a home is why the annex exists.
i do not want them to suffer.
they are being controlled, hurt, and manipulated.
i am here with you and i am with the women caught in the chains.
my mercy has always been the same and will never cease.
keep going, keep praying for these women, keep telling others about what is happening
and i will continue on loving. 

*********
God uses small things, like a pink bracelet I made last year, to remind me of how good He is. Yes, there are still women and children suffering, but God is just, merciful, and loving. He always has all of these attributes. I am so thankful for ministries like Source that are doing things for the people caught in trafficking. In my previous post, I mentioned how I wanted to start to do things and not just know about the issue. God is so faithful and He provided me with the opportunity to do. I thought I would just go and help Source and the women who would eventually be living at the Annex, though God wanted to help me by telling me some things while I was scrubbing the floors.

God used grout, sweat, and a bracelet to teach me about a new sense of joy we can have when we live for Him. He also used these items to remind me of the pain Jesus went through on the cross and how big of an act of love that was.