I am normally not as honest with people as I should be. I tend to put on a mask of having everything together. Well, honestly, I don't. I am going to write what is on my heart. My heart hurts and longs to be with my Savior. It hurts and wants the pain to go away. It hurts for the people who are suffering. It hurts because of the world we live. It hurts because I am weak. It hurts because God is refining me.
My heart is also filled with joy because of what is going on in my life. It is filled with joy because I am a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. My life is not perfect, but in my weakness, Christ's power is made perfect
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" - 2 Corinthians 12:9.
My heart is filled with joy because I am unbelievably blessed by my friends and family that God has given me. It also is full of joy because I am alive and have so many amazing things to look forward to. These writings will be about the hurt and joy my life is full of.
Seven days ago I was writing a near 60 page plan book for one of my PR classes. If someone were to tell me what I was going to go through during the next week, I would have laughed at them.
The past 7 days have been some of the longest, hardest, most thought-provoking seven days of my life.
Why? Many reasons.
One, that is what printing off over 70 pages of a paper and project does to you. Two, my Bible became dusty. Three, chapel was powerful over the past. Four, good and intense conversations with friends happened.
My life is becoming harder as the days go on. I am caught in these two worlds. One world is where I want what this world wants. I become jealous, I compare, I worry and become stressed, and do some many other things I was not created to focus on. Then this other world I am caught in is one that makes me feel alive. It is one where I ask the Lord questions, talk about real issues, listen and I mean truly listen to people, have to rely on the Lord, and look at life as a gift. These two realities are conflicting because that is the world we live in- a fallen one. My life is full of hope, but it is also full of sin. I was talking to my friend last week and she was talking about how much she hated sin. Until, this weekend I had never looked at it like that. I hate sin, too. Sin makes me feel useless, hurt, not who I am supposed to be, average, lonely, and so much more.
Though, there is good news- we were created for good. This is something that I have to remind myself of because there are times when I think that all this world has to offer is what I see in our culture today. We were created to glorify God in all that we do and I know that I cannot do that without Jesus Christ living in me. My prayer is that the people I know would realize how desperate they are in need of Savior. God came to save us. He did not come to just be a good person and obey His Father. He came to die and rise again for this broken world. There are so many people who are not going to be in heaven because they do not understand this. They do not understand what it means to live for Jesus and have a personal relationship with Him. Sin has taken over this world and it is something that I know we cannot just confess. We have to ask the Lord to help us overcome it. Jesus has overcome it all, but without His help it will not be gone from our lives. If I were to believe in something else, I would not have hope. I would not be able to see my loved ones again after I die. And I would not be able to have an eternal purpose.
The past 7 days have made me wonder a lot about my sins. My reality that is I am in need of Savior. I am in need of a God who loves me despite my faults. He loves me and no lie in the world or my head can stop that love.
Jesus, I thank you for your love. It will not let go of me. It has overcome death. Jesus, Your love is strong.
