like a river.

tonight, God's love to me is like a river.

it is a river that quenches those who thirst. 
a river that gives life. 
the water is pure and refreshing. 
it has a current that keeps flowing. 
this river is full of water that rushes towards those that need it, 
in such a gentle way. 
it twists and turns to keep seeking,
and never stops pursuing. 
this river rejuvenates those who are weary,
heals those who are sick,
and makes clean those who are dirty. 
this river reaches out before needing to be reached into. 


God is teaching me something. i often look to Him like He is a well of water that i have to find. a well that will only come give me life and love when i want it. a well that i have to work for to be refreshed by. tonight, God told me that His love is like a river that is rushing to me at all times. He came to me first and will continue to pursue after me. no matter where i am at in life, He is a river that is always there and moving in me. this river is not something i have to work to find because it will never fail me. 

this river is something i need to just be at to know it is there. 

as the leaves change, the Lord's faithfulness does not.

changes are happening. the colors of the leaves are becoming bright oranges and deep reds. students are spending more time doing homework because midterms are near. seven people i know got engaged within the past week. two dear friends of mine are in other countries. my brother got on a plane for europe today. and the list goes on.

throughout the changes, there are things that are the same. almost every college student i ask how they are doing still answers good or busy. i still am asked a few times a week what i will do after graduation and i still say i am not sure because there are so many possibilities. the Lord continues to bless me with free meals a few times a week. and i am still amazed at how much i am learning (not necessarily in my classes).

the biggest thing that i see being consistent is the Lord's faithfulness. i need to remind myself of this daily because of the hurt i see or hear about, worries and stress that comes, questions i have about the future, and discouragement i get from what i see in our society. 

i have been reading the book of Matthew the past few days and one of the major themes i see in the book is faith. the word is used many times from Jesus saying to one of His disciples, "O you of little faith, why do you doubt," to Jesus saying, "And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith." 

Jesus is saying all throughout Matthew that faith is important and we need it to live for Him. This is something I would like to work on. I encourage you to do the same. Next time you doubt yourself or God, or a situation arises that is stressful, or you are discouraged by things going on around you, PUT YOUR FAITH IN JESUS. He is more faithful than you could every imagine. When you do this, your eyes will be opened to a new way of living. It is something I am experiencing right now. Yes it is hard, but the reward is incredible.

"The kingdom of heaven is like TREASURE hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine PEARLS, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it." -Matthew 13:44-46.

My prayer is as I am learning what it means to put  my faith and hope in Jesus Christ, you will too. Talk it out with God and then with a friend. Read the Word, you will see countless times that God is faithful to His children.

a recap of CO with the BRTC.

COLORADO. could i describe this trip in one word? no. could i describe it in 100 words? no. so i will do my best to explain parts of it in a few paragraphs.

for those of you who don't know, i went on a road trip to colorado last week. it was quite the adventure that was full of joy, new experiences, times of tiredness and confusion, and lots of mountains! i did not know what to expect, but yet again God blew my mind away with how great it was. i expected to do some hiking, not shower for a few days, and have some quality conversations....but i did not expect to learn so much from my brothers and sisters that went and be amazed by the Lord's faithfulness. that is one of the most prominent things that God did- He showed me that no matter what we are going through, He is there to answer His children. we had many instances when we needed to find something (like our second tent) or wanted something (like a parking lot or to see a shooting star) and God would answer us within seconds. it was the love and faithfulness He showed us in the small things that made me realize how faithful He is to us in the big things. God spoke to me a lot on this trip and i am not going to explain it all now because it would take a long time (so lets grab coffee if you want to hear more!), but i would like to say that no matter what season in life you are in, you have the opportunity to see the Lord's faithfulness. it might be different from what you expect, but open your eyes (and mind and heart) to what the Lord has planned for you. ask and you will receive. knock and the door will be open. God is pursuing you and HE IS FAITHFUL. i feel so rejuvenated after going to colorado that i know i am ready for this next year at NWC. i am ready to be an ARD, have one last year of homework, and trust God with what will happen after this year. this was not the case months ago, but God used my time away in colorado to prepare my heart and body for what is to come.

another thing i didn't expect to experience was the feeling of being extremely small. we hiked around in rocky mountain national park, and i felt like an ant compared to the beautiful mountains. this made me think about how big our world is and how God is working in all of it. He is a big God who can move mountains (literally and metaphorically). while we were hiking we met people from estonia, texas, austin mn, and many other places. our world is full of people who are all unique and i learned that i am different from all of them. God is so creative. He made each mountain different and He made each person different. i am so happy for that. people plus mountains are a wonderful combination.

well, that is a small part of my adventure. i highly recommend you taking a road trip with friends if you ever get a chance. it will make you appreciate showers, grandma's mini van, and your bed a lot more. hopefully my next trip will be to Seattle or somewhere close to it with the blazing rebels traveling church (ask me if you want to hear the story behind this) & anyone else wanting to join.

OTHER EXCITING NEWS OF THE DAY: i got to give natalie jorde a hug, i found knowledge of the holy for a $1 at goodwill, i tried key lime ice cream with raspberries for the first time (it was delicious), and i am going to bed before before midnight (hopefully this will become a habit for school).

rain that teaches.

Rain, rain go away. Come again another day. 

I'm sitting in my cabin, as everyone else is sleeping. The cabin is silent, except for the pouring rain. Rain is something I have a love/hate relationship with. I love rain because it makes things grow & green, it is calming, it puts life back into things, & it is fun to dance in (I'm thinking of Megan T. right now). I (strongly) dislike rain because being in the sun at the cabin is great & rain prevented me from going to the woods with my camera, Bible, book, & journal like I was going to do this afternoon. I hope there's no rain tomorrow.

Since I can't be looking at the stars like I was hoping to (the stars are hard to see in the suburbs), I have decided to write about what is going on in my life and mind right now. Basically, God is rocking my world with a multitude of things.

First, because of the rain I have spent a lot time today reading this guy's (Matthew) blog from the World Race (see my Options blog). I emailed the organization to get more information about the mission trip and he emailed me back with info and a link to his blog since he just returned from the human trafficking trip I wanted to know more about. Reading his blog has made me question what I am doing with my life? I now am really considering doing the WR next year after I graduate; however, more than that I am questioning what am I doing right now? How do I live all out for Jesus while I am at home this summer and at NWC next year?

Well what has come to my mind is, I am learning to follow Christ each and every day. I am learning what it means to have faith. If I do not have faith in Christ in the small things (at home and school), how can I expect to have faith in the big things (like going on a year trip all around the world)? Some things I have learned this past week has also helped me get the answer.

God has shown me how INCREDIBLE He is this past week. I just finished reading The Seven Longings of the Human Heart by Mike Bickle, and it opened my eyes to who God has made us to be. We were not created to be fulfilled by this world. We were created to be enjoyed by God, to be great, to be wholehearted, to have intimacy without shame, to be beautiful, to be fascinated, and to make a deep and lasting impact. The Lord fulfills each of these longings that we have.

Now, back to my original question...what am I doing? Well, what I can do right now is tell other people about this. There are so many people I know who are searching to fulfill these longings in places that are not the Truth (JESUS). People need to hear that they are loved and God wants to have a relationship with them (especially since He created them).

Another way I am learning is through random other things. This week I watched the Basic videos by Francis Chan and the Lord used that to put in simple terms what it means to follow Christ. To follow Christ is to do what He says. It is not some crazy religion, it is putting our faith in Him and what He says. I also have learned from some of my brothers and sisters what it means to use prayer to encourage one another. Prayer is a powerful thing and I learned how much the Lord delights in HIS CHILDREN. At church two weeks ago Pastor Paul told the congregation what it would look like to talk to our friends or people around us as if they were children of God. Well, while praying with some friends this week, God showed me how I have that type of community around me. I am God's daughter, His workmanship, His creation, and HE DELIGHTS IN ME. Not only that, but He loves ALL of His people. In fact, He is JEALOUS for us. When you follow Christ, it is a sacrifice, but that is what we are called to do. Christ came to establish a new law, one that would save us when we believe in Him. Read Hebrews 10-THIS IS LOVE.  Our sin and lawless acts, He will no longer remember (Hebrews 10:17). 

"It takes God, to love God." Bickle said this in his book. As humans we do not have the capacity to love God, without Him. I want to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind (Matthew 22:37-40) because of the sacrifice of Christ that is described in Hebrews 10. Well, it is only God who can help me do this. It takes me learning from Jesus how to love God and it takes me coming to the cross every day with what I am struggling with. My love for the Lord is increasing because I am learning the freedom and peace that I have from God. Philippians 4:4-8.  

So as the rain is coming down hard on the cabin, I also sense the Lord raining down showers of love and experiences to know Him better in my own life. Father, I pray that you would reign over this world and people would see that and souls would be saved. Jesus, RAIN DOWN.

(i wrote this 24 hours ago. i didn't have internet so i couldn't post it until now).

What to do with all these lessons?

I am home. I am no longer the RA of pink hall and I no longer live in a hall of 22 of the loveliest, craziest, most precious girls! I cannot believe that it has already been one year since the last time I moved back home. And what is even crazier is that I only have one more time of moving everything into the Northwestern dorms (though, it will be in yellow hall next year and not pink) and back out again. This is a good thing though because I am sick of walking up those three flights of stairs with all my stuff!

I think writing down some of the lessons that I learned this year is going to help me process everything. God has been revealing to me so much about the experiences I had this year. 

Starting with the most recent...
These past two days were some of the best and hardest 48 hours ever. The ResLife staff went on a debrief retreat and I absolutely loved it because of the conversations that took place, along with the relaxation and fun that happened. God showed me how real this ResLife community has been and how it was such an example of the body of Christ. My staff became my refuge. They understand who God is and what He is doing in their life and mine. I am beyond appreciative of each of the nine soul sisters that God gave me for this past year. During the retreat we went around and said something that we appreciated or loved about each other. This time was wonderful and so encouraging. I will never forget this KnuHa staff. The retreat was hard because I realized how much I wish we would have more time together as an entire ResLife staff. We were just becoming super good friends and now it is over. Thankfully, many of these brothers and sisters will not be leaving NWC. I learned that I want to spend more time and in conversation with these people. (Good thing I have next year to practice this lesson that I learned with the new ResLife people).

Another lesson I learned is how faithful the Lord is to His children. He loves each one of us way more than we can imagine. I never expected to learn so much about myself and God in one year. I am so weak without God's strength. I need the GRACE of God to do things. This year I realized that I doubt God so much, yet He still delights in me. I just started reading "The Knowledge of the Holy," and it has shown me so much about the Lord. A.W.  Tozer says, "He is not exactly like anything or anybody." There is nothing like God. We cannot compare Him to anything because of how HOLY, POWERFUL, LOVING, AND GREAT He is (and so much more). God is incomprehensible. I have learned over time that God has done things to reveal parts of who He is. He sent Jesus to die for this world and that shows us His indescribable love. This is something I learned about this year. God uses so many things to show us His love. I learned that even though there were times this winter when I felt extremely lonely, God used His scripture and voice to tell me "Jillian, I love you. You are not alone." He also showed me in October how loved I am because He knows exactly what I need. I was at Vespers one time  and I told my friend something that I was struggling with and she told me that when I am tempted to say, "In Jesus' name go away." So I did this and the temptation went away. Wow, that is LOVE. When we trust in His name and call upon it, He will not fail us.

This leads to another lesson I learned, how powerful the name of Christ is. There is no name above Yahweh's name. At the retreat two nights ago, we were sitting around the bonfire talking about casting out demons and I do not understand a lot about this, but I do know that Christ's name is powerful. I want to have His name on my lips and in my thoughts. God is our Sovereign Father, who never wants to leave us.

The song "Your Great Name," by Michael Neale and Krissy Nordhoff has really spoken to me this year. One day Christ will come back and we will not just be able to talk about God, but we will be with Him.

"So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the LORD had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD.  And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Exodus 34:4-7.

This passage shows what the name of the Lord is really like and who God is. After Moses was done speaking with the Lord and wrote down His commandments on the tablets, His face was radiant (WOW). This is so powerful because God describes Himself and His power and holiness are shown in this passage.
This also has to do with one of my favorite passages in Scripture, Psalm 34:4-7, "I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them."

I am so excited for this summer because God told me at Unite that I should study His Word because this school year it became something I did not do as much as I should have. I am excited, yet kind of nervous for this because I know that I can make myself very busy. I want to decrease my worldly desires and increase my desires for the Lord. His name is GREAT and I want to study more about who He is. I am extremely thankful for all the lessons I learned this past year. I will definitely be processing them over these next few weeks.

I am in awe of the Lord and I am surrendering my plans every day for His plans.