dear orange city, iowa.

hello,

i have never written a letter to a city before, but you out of all the cities in the world need one from me. letter writing is a passion of mine so maybe that is another reason i am writing to you. this letter is coming from the many thoughts and emotions i have towards you right now. these feelings towards you are kind of like my thoughts about college. i loved it, was frustrated during it, want it back, and never want to go to it again. can you tell i am a bit confused about you right now?

first, i do love you. some of my closest friends call you home, so how can i not? they love the small town feel you have, the college community, and the people who reside on your streets.

i am not so fond of you though for other reasons. mainly, you are far away from where all my friends originally came from which is where i currently live.

your crooked sidewalks, lack of coffee shops and restaurants with good hours, lack of lakes and trees are not why i will visit you.

your adorable old people (who will be entertained, hugged daily, and loved by my two favorite kids), your buildings, parks, houses, and everything else being within walking distance of one another, your friendly neighbors and homey feel are why i will visit you.

i will visit the old factory again. i will walk florida ave many times. i will sleep on the top bunk bed that is not mine in a school that i did not attend (even though it has the same name as mine). i will go to your new italian restaurant one day. i will have many good memories on your streets and in your buildings.

i will not call you my home, but you will be one of my favorite places.

thank you for taking such good care of my friends and family. they are the reason for my presence in your community. i cherish every conversation i have with each of them, every path i have walked with them, every meal shared with them and every time i can worship the Lord with them.

see you (soon) oc.

much love,
jillian

Tootsie pops help us listen

Stories- recollections of life being lived. 

We all share them. We all hear them. We all have at least one.

Every time a person breathes they are living out a story. Today, my story included, the barista who poured my green tea, the woman sitting twenty-feet away from me eagerly typing with a contemplative look on her face as to whether she should hit backspace or not, the man who needs help walking out the door since his legs are not strong enough to do it on his own, and the random woman at Goodwill who helped me pick out a belt. Not only were they part of my story, they each have their own stories to share. Their thoughts, emotions, desires, and experiences can and should be put into words to share with other humans.

God created humans to be in relationship and community with one another. To share in those experiences I previously mentioned. He also created us with a voice to share our stories. A voice can help us learn, love, grieve, and grow. When creating humans, God did not stop with a voice. He also gave us ears. Not one, but two. He may have done this to balance out our face (it would look kind of funny if we only had one ear), but more than that I think He did this so we are reminded that listening often takes more effort or is more important than talking.

I love how bluntly James addresses the matter in James 1:19-21. We are to be quick to listen and slow to speak. One reason this could be is to hear the stories of the people around us. The more I spend time with people and the more coffee dates I go on with my sisters, the more I realize how one of the best ways I can love someone is by listening to them. Hearing their joys, their pains, and their life is what I am able to do.

Sharing stories is needed, yet the only way to do this is to have someone to listen to them. Listening is vital in any relationship you have, whether you just met the person or have known them your whole life.

A few months ago I heard this piece of advice from one the best listeners of my stories- eat a tootsie pop when you want (or need) to become a better listener. This sweet treat, or in my case a cup of coffee, can be a good reminder of what James was talking about with how we are to be quick to listen and slow to speak. It is rather hard to talk when you have a tootsie pop in your mouth.

Flattery at its finest.

Tonight, I had the pleasure to spend some time with Fintan. He is small in stature, with sweet eyes that capture your attention. He loves Super Heroes, Toy Story, chocolate, and talking. When we were coloring today, Fin asked me to draw Optimus Primes' head. Naturally, like any decent babysitter would do- I said,  "Sure." Yes, me the girl who lives with an art ed. major but is not one herself said yes to drawing something. The challenge began. He gave me the action figure and I was able to draw a sketch that sort of resembled the figure. Fin then colored in the head and was pleasantly satisfied. Next, Fin said, "can you add arms to it?" I did. Then Fin enthusaitically told me at least two times, "You are really good at drawing." How did this happen? I do not know since drawing is not my forte.

Later that night, as we were sitting around the dinner table enjoying meat loaf and mashed potatoes, Fin said, "Jillian, you are the best babysitter I have had."

I replied, "Thanks Fin."

Vivian, his older sister then responded, "Fin, you are just trying to be flattering."

Fins reply to that was, "How? I am not dressing classy."

Viv said, "No, you are trying to flatter with your words."

I jumped in while quietly laughing saying, "Fin, I appreciate the compliment. Though, it is true. You do like to flatter everyone."

The flattery then continued while doing the dishes. Fin proclaimed, "I think I am going to have Fin's Famous Fiesta and will invite one special person! So Jillian...do you want to come."

I of course answered back, "Sure, just let me know when it is."

Who wouldn't want to go to a five year old's fiesta (little did he know that tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo).

The night ended with hide and seek, ice cream, and some stories. 

Fin will probably be a ladies man when he gets older. His eyes, compliments, and sweet laugh are hard to not make a person smile. I wanted to share this story because it made me think of some life lessons. First, little kids notice things and share them. Fin noticed that I was struggling to draw, so he  encouraged me through that. Little kids also are creative and spontaneous. He wants to have a fiesta. I would never think to do this. Lastly, I think flattering people with compliments is a good thing (to a point of course). Lets be encouraging. Tell people we love them. And show love in a tangible way. This is my challenge to you and to me.

an almost empty row.

Driving into the church parking lot this morning felt like one would think it would- like coming home.
A smile came upon my face as I walked towards the entrance. 
I recognized the faces of the greeters and got two hugs before walking inside.
Next, the pastor's wife asked me about my spring break trip making me feel loved.
Then I stepped into the sanctuary and something happened, whatever it was it did not seem right.
Everything seemed foreign.
None of my friends were in our usual section near the middle.
I stood in the back for a minute recognizing barely anyone.
Was I in the right church? Did something happen to me? 
Walking to the right side where some empty seats were, I found a place to sit down.
Ironically, it was almost an entire empty row besides two men sitting on the far left side of it. 
This was new. I had not sat alone in church since freshmen year.
I thought to God, is this really happening? 
Am I sitting alone at my home church on Easter? 
But, I did it. I sat there. My heart feeling, I guess, kind of lonely.
After a few minutes of me thinking about life and where I was at in it,
my dear friend's mom came up to me and asked if her and her boys could sit by me.
My heart screamed out please do as my lips quietly said, yes.
God provided. He knew that I was not going to be sitting by myself.
My spiritual family (and pretty much second family) was there with me.
Even though my close friends could not be seen or were just not there, I was not alone. 

an empty bench. somehow it connects to what i wrote.

This experience made me think about a few things. First, there are probably dozens of people who sit alone at the church I attend every week. I want to find them and be their friend. Second, I am never alone. Even if my friend's mom would not have come up to me, Jesus was in my heart speaking to me. He is alive in me. Lastly, things are going to keep changing. As I graduate, I do not know what my life will look like yet even for the month after graduation, but I do know that God has a plan. He delights in me and has good (which could be different from my definition of good) for me. This foreign feeling might continue as I journey along in life outside of Northwestern, yet somehow that is alright with me. I am a sojourner on this planet. Nothing will truly seem like home until I see Jesus face to face in heaven.

break blessings.

1. little nuggets of wisdom from adults like Mr. G. when we say 'in Jesus name' during prayer, essentially it should mean 'let your will be done.' (i was told John MacArthur talks about this so read pages 123 & 124 in his book for more info- Objects of Prayer).

2. conversations around a kitchen counter about some hefty topics that make you think, want to know more and just praise the Lord.

3. friends to cook and eat with.

4. our family fondue new years' tradition.

5. "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." - The Help. (I don't watch many movies, but I recommend this to everyone. I will gladly watch it with anyone too.)

6. a game night with high school friends. 

7. coffee and sleep. i keep learning that coffee is so much more enjoyable when you don't need it to stay awake. i also learned (for the second time) that when you don't (or do) drink coffee, drink a good amount of water (thanks cody).

8. being able to say, "see ya when i see ya" instead of "goodbye" to friends who live in other states. 

 9.  blankets and a fire place.

10. candles (in a house or a cabin).  

11. Jesus...

    "Always faithful
     Always good
     You still have me
     You still have my heart" 

not going to forget.

Oftentimes, I forget what happens throughout a week. I usually remember all the stressful things that happened or the extremely fun things.

I need to remember that God is pouring out His love to us and He has infinite goodness. I often get caught up with earthly things that I forget to listen to God. He is speaking. Lately God has used many different people and things to encourage and teach me. I am going to jot a few down...

1. "You can have it all, but you can't have it all at the same time." My best friends mom told me this when we were talking about what I will do next year. I won't be able to do everything that I want to next year, but that doesn't mean I can't have it all.

2. Francis Chan's sermon, When sin looks more enjoyable than God.

3. "You can glorify God no matter where you go." I needed to hear this and God spoke through Kauline last Saturday.

4. Sheet of Night by John Mark McMillan.

5. Lystra...a dear sister in Christ. Wow! God uses this beautiful woman to do Kingdom work.

6.  Isaiah 40-45.

Part of this passage is...


A voice says, "Cry!" And I said, "What shall I cry?"
"All flesh is grass, and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the LORD blows on it;
surely the people are grass. The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever."

7. Anna. This cute girl teaches me so much. She reminded of the little things in life that God uses to show us His goodness. I encourage everyone to spend some time with little children in the next few weeks. You will be able to love them as you are loved back.  

blessed on a birthday.

today was my birthday. a day to celebrate life. if i had to sum up how i feel after the day, it would be with the word blessed. i am so incredibly blessed. sometimes i do not realize how good the Lord is to me, His daughter. i was able to spend time with some of the people who are closest to me (though, others were gone in another country or city). i have been thinking though, the way i was treated today is the way i should treat the people in my life everyday. i felt loved, encouraged and truly appreciated. my parents, roommates and brother gave me gifts that fit so well with who i am. i was able to go out to a favorite dessert place with some of my sisters. honestly, i could see the love. it was a tangible thing. i want the people in my life to know that i thank God for them and praise Him for community (these past two days i have learned that we were for sure created for community...even when it is hard sometimes). i want to show people love like i was shown today even when it is not their birthday. i praise the Lord for my life. it is Him who knit me together. it is Him that had me be born on november 17. and it is Him who I want to live for since He has given me this life and this day of birth to celebrate.

can we celebrate each other even when it is not our birthdays? can we look at each other as sons and daughters of God? we were created to live life with others, so lets celebrate one another every day.

this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.